Calmer Karma

To put my (tarot) cards on the table, I don't accord with people who say the way to achieve happiness is to live in the present. "Forget the past," they say. "There's nothing you can do to change it, they say." And don't worry about the future - it hasn't happened yet. That's what they say.

Of course the idea is that guilt and regret reside in the past, whereas worry, anxiety and impatience are all you'll get for dwelling on the future. You can only impact right now, so it's right to focus on the present and push other thoughts into the back of your mind - if that's something you can achieve. Then you'll be happy.

If you're a devout Buddhist or follow Taoism or other philosophies, or even just practice mindfulness every once in a while, the principles of happiness are the same - to focus on what's happening now. Like concentrating on your breathing and trying to rid yourself of other thoughts. It may be possible during a mindfulness practice to get close to total focus on your breathing (without worrying if you left the gas on or fed the cat or if you're going to get fired on Monday), but in my experience it just isn't possible for most people to completely ignore the past or the future. These regrets and worries just keep creeping in disturbing the peace and serenity. Inevitably our lives are a tangled mix of the experiences we've had, what we're doing now and our aspirations and fears about our futures. It's not easy to separate them out and choose which ones to ignore.

I do things differently, and it works for me. I change bad memories into pleasant ones. I'll give you an example:

I was happily married for 26 years before my wife divorced me. In the end it turns out I just wasn't paying her enough attention, so I had to go. And I was duly dispatched. However, since the date of our divorce the first person I've thought about every morning has been her - every single morning - probably because we were married so long and I never fell out of love with her. I'm sure it will be like this forever; I can't stop it. I dwell on my past with her, and for a long time I was cross with myself that I couldn't get her out of my head. It made for a bad start to every day.

But I wondered if I couldn't make these more pleasant thoughts. Why should I feel bad just because a bad thing happened? We both survived and have had happy times since.

So, now when she pops in my head at some point during the morning, I bid her hello, remember her face and her voice, maybe look at her picture and remember a holiday we had together, and then with a smile I wish her a good day ahead and move onto other thoughts. It makes things easier. I turn a nasty thought into a nice one, and have a better day. I realise it sounds bonkers, but that act of atonement is my way of recovering from the loss I suffered, so it doesn't ruin my life.

I do worry about the future - money, health, kids, being lonely, planet. So I've not cracked that yet. But I do have a laminated paper hung by my desk with the following:

I woke up this morning, the light streamed through my window and another beautiful day was born. Tomorrow may be different, but that’s in the future. TODAY is all about NOW. And NOW is all that matters. TODAY will be a good day. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

It's not perfect, but it's all I can think of, and sometimes it works!

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